Do we act as if everything is perfect, find and dandy…when it’s not? Must everything appear that life is great and we feel blessed, every second of every day of Motherhood? Is revealing the ugly truth showing weakness? Are we afraid to admit to the world that we are feeling less than perfect? That we can not do it all and we feel like a failure if we actually admit that?
A good friend of mine and I chat on a regular basis about what is happening in our lives…and when things are getting crazy, one usually says, “I know I am very blessed and if this is my biggest complaint, I am living a good life..” and the other one usually says, “Yes, and I know you feel blessed, but just give it to me straight…how are you REALLY doing?” This exchange helps both of us because we do not have to pretend, act or insert a lot of qualifiers into our conversation. Yes, as Moms, we have the most precious blessings God has to give. I am thankful for my children’s’ health, safety, love…I even appreciate their ability to yell, cry, and carry on…because it means they have the strength to do it and they feel that they are in a safe enough environment to act out…BUT…this does not mean that things are always seemingly perfect!
So I have been thinking about it like this…. Perfection is a myth. A mom can NEVER be perfect. How do we even go about measuring “perfect” in motherhood? You can’t! We may think of specific standards, in our minds, that looks like a perfect Mom… a happy, healthy, good looking Mom, who loves to play with her kids, has enough time for them, keeps a clean, well organized, home, is funny, lovable, has a job that fulfills her life’s mission and affords her lifestyle….oh did I forget, school Mom, Church volunteer and enjoys daily sex with her hubby? Hopefully by now, you see….perfection is not reality. Not in motherhood, anyhow.
So why do we keep holding “perfect” as our standard? It’s not only a lie; it’s severely outdated perception of Motherhood. Yes, it may seem that Moms don’t feel right unless everything ‘looks’ perfect but we need to take a harder look at that perception….and bury it!
Think of the time, energy and stress that striving for this false sense of perfection is costing us! I am not suggesting becoming a “Debbie Downer” every time someone asks you how you are, but when things don’t feel right…know that it is okay for you to have a moment, a day , a week, when you look disheveled, feel down, or admit your kid’s behavior was less than ideal….and know that you are still okay! Be confident that the essence of who you really are…has not been adversely affected! You still rock, you are still a superwoman…you are just being human and real and imperfect. Then feel a bit lighter when the standard of perfection no longer holds you down!
And who can’t use a little weight off their shoulders these days?
Perfection is a myth. Don’t waste any more of your precious energy and time on pursing this myth! Set your own realistic standards and live by those!