Why ‘Just Be Yourself’ is Terrible Advice — Unless You Do This First
We’re often told, “just be yourself,” yet in reality, authenticity without preparation can backfire. How do you show up as your genuine self, connect with people, and still earn respect? The secret is aligning authenticity with preparation and intention—so you’re not only relatable, but also credible and impactful.
Preparation: The Hidden Engine of Authenticity
Being truly authentic doesn’t mean you walk into situations unfiltered or unprepared. In fact, the most relatable and respected leaders are often the most prepared. Preparation provides the foundation for your best self to shine—without veering into carelessness or overexposure.
Whenever you interact with others, see it as an opportunity to communicate your values and capabilities. Ask yourself:
What is my responsibility in this situation?
What do I want to convey?
How will I ensure I’m ready?
Write down your main points, review necessary information, and connect with people ahead of time if needed. Preparation is not just about facts; it’s about earning your own confidence.
During my first weeks at a new organization, I walked into a tense meeting between two teams—both of which I was responsible for. The note to “be prepared” carried a hint of warning. Instead of going in blind, I dove into background research, reviewed organizational plans, and studied the issues at play. When the moment arrived, I was calm, confident, and able to listen without defensiveness. That preparation allowed me to relax, bring my authentic self to the table, and help the teams work together productively.
Authenticity is not just about presence—it’s about purpose. Every interaction is a chance to highlight what makes you uniquely valuable. Be clear about the impression you want to leave.
On a professional panel surrounded by people with far more impressive credentials, I was asked to introduce myself. Rather than list my degrees and job titles, I chose to share a candid story about the everyday challenges of balancing parenting and a career. The word “sh*tshow” might have escaped my lips. And immediately it broke the tension. The room responded with laughter and attention. By telling a story I owned and believed in, I connected instantly and authentically—without diminishing my credibility.
Being true to yourself and allowing that to shine through in your daily interactions builds trust and helps you command respect. Preparation shows you take your role seriously; authenticity shows you take others seriously. The combination? A style that is both relatable and respected.
Remember:
Preparation creates comfort and confidence, setting the stage for authentic expression.
Intention channels your authenticity to make an impact.
Authenticity commands respect when it’s anchored in preparation and guided by intention.
